Dottie

Dottie the Cow was deeply committed to self improvement. Unfortunately, she had very unclear methods.

One day, she decided to become “more elegant,” which involved standing still in a field and practicing regal chewing. No one noticed a difference, except a confused hen with a notebook who walked into her leg and apologised.

Undeterred, Dottie moved on to intellectual development. She called it philosophy, mostly staring at a butterfly and occasionally saying, “Yes, that does raise questions.”

By Wednesday, she had launched motivational leadership. No one had asked for this.

“I believe we can all be better versions of ourselves,” she announced. “For example, I am already excellent.” The goats applauded politely. The ducks weren’t sure if it was a speech or a lesson in theoretical sleep cycles.

By sunset, Dottie stood chewing thoughtfully.

“I have grown,” she said. “Not physically. That part is ongoing.”